One more webinar and I am DONE! I am elated. I have had more hindrances in this 6 months to complete something than I believe I have ever had in my life. There have been more than one time when I felt I could absolutely not continue with the course. However, there was something that just did not let me give up. I am so glad.
Today my mastermind and I were talking about the process. We were discussing our vision board/movie poster. I mentioned that for the first time ever as I look at my board and see how far away from my goals I am, that I realize the reason is because I haven’t made the necessary steps. To get different I have to do different. In times past when I’ve done vision boards, I’ve been coached…just believe it will happen. You’ll see, it will happen. Well I guess I haven’t believed hard enough, because I’ve never had one vision board come to pass.
The Scroll Marked VI from Og Mandino starts by saying “Today I will be master of my emotions.” Really? I thought the first day of the month when we switched to this scroll. How would I ever master my emotions. I’ve been terrible at it in the past. However, if there is one thing I’ve learned in this course, it is to trust the process. So I followed the process.
Last week I was in line at the home improvement store. The lines were long, even for the self checkout lanes. It seemed everyone was having a problem there. So I got in line at a regular lane. Slow as molasses was the checker. Oh man, people were complaining and huffing and puffing. I was getting more and more irritated. Finally it was my turn. I get my stuff put down and she turns to the checker beside her that is obviously in training. The man she was waiting on wanted a discount on an open bag of top soil. The checker that was supposed to be waiting on me, told him no. He got mad and picked up the bag of stinky soil and put it in the bagging area of the lane I was in. My checker turned to me finally and started ringing up my items. She went to bag them and tripped over the soil the angry man had put there. She said how rude and I said I wondered what that was all about and why he put it there. And boy did things start to escalate then. She verbally went after the other customer and was telling him how rude he was. I felt myself start to get sucked in to the whole drama but then……Today I will be master of my emotions. I took a deep breath and then could just observe. I really couldn’t believe how a person that was in a service related employment situation could be so out of control. No respect for the customer at all. The man left, my transaction got finished up and I left. As I got to the door, the man had turned around and was coming back in. I continued on my way smiling, as I realized I had mastered my emotions! It felt great!!
As this course is coming to a close, I know it’s not the end. It’s just the beginning of a much more joyful, emotionally stable, observant life. Thank you staff of MKMMA!
I have found The Master Key-Part twenty-two very enlightening. I have grown up hearing about the sower and seed and knowing that the seed that is sown is the crop that you will harvest. But somehow what I have sown and what I have harvested is very different from what I want to sow and harvest. This chapter makes so much sense to me. Every time I read it or have it read to me, I can picture so many that are close to me that are in such poor health. 22;2 If the state of our health is not all that could be desired, let us examine our method of thinking; let us remember that every thought produces an impression on the mind; every impression is a seed which will sink into the subconscious and form a tendency ; the tendency will be to attract other similar thoughts and before know it we shall have a crop which must be harvested.” I would love to have those close to me read this so that they might get help for their “mind” and become healthy again. It all starts in the mind. I need to continue to work on the world within so that the harvest will be one that I want.
One of the very important exercises for this MKMMA course is to sit still for 15 minutes a day. I have had difficulty with this. We are told also to keep the last hour of the day sacred. I have been doing my sit in that last hour of the day. However, by the time that hour comes, I’m so exhausted that I fall asleep sitting up. Over the months I keep telling myself that I am going to wake up early and do my sit in the morning. I am not a morning person. So even with the best of intentions, I haven’t been able make myself get up earlier. Finally this week I’ve had a break though! I have gotten up early enough to sit quiet and still for 15 minutes. The first morning left me with a glow of accomplishment all day. So far I haven’t missed a morning. In fact, the last couple of days I’ve looked forward to it. Yay! Good habits being made.
Og writes in Scroll marked V, “Should I concern myself over events which I may never witness? Should I torment myself with problems that may never come to pass? No!” And yet I find that is exactly what I am doing. And why am I doing this? The Master Keys Part 21;13 says This mental attitude is our personality and is composed of the thoughts which we have been creating in our own mind; therefore, if we wish a change in conditions all that is necessary is to change our thought; this will in turn change our mental attitude, which will in turn change our personality, which will in turn change the persons, things and conditions, or, the experiences with which we meet in life. There you go. I will just change my mental attitude. Too bad the old blueprint is so resistant to change. I am glad for the glimmers I have that I am changing that old mental attitude so that I won’t torment myself over problems that may not come to pass or events that I may never witness.
Death. I had a revelation this morning. I’m afraid to live because I don’t want to die. When did I become this way? I didn’t use to feel like this. I have known since childhood that dying is a part of living. That dying is the end result of this life. I think that experiences of the last few years in seeing the end of many things in my life that I thought would last until I died has had a profound affect on me. I’m afraid to make a move because it might be the wrong move to make. That is no way to live. In this MKMMA course the last couple week or so, we have been reading obituaries. It is sobering to see how many die at my age or younger. You expect to read of the death of people in their 80’s and 90’s. It is even more sobering to realize how close I am to the age of 80. I did not like the exercise given on the webinar Sunday. Make a timeline with your date of birth on one end, expected year of death on the other end, and where you fit on the timeline now. How many more summers do I have? And what am I going to do with the summers I have left? Last year I had several months of health challenges and felt really terrible. One day the thought crossed my mind as I was driving in our beautiful countryside in the dead of winter (my least liked season), I wonder if I’ll see another spring. Beautiful spring, where everything is reborn. I’m glad to say that I did see spring come and go. Now we are in the dead of winter again. But hope springs eternal that Spring is coming.
The exercises of reading the obituaries, the time line, reading scroll marked V in Og, “I live this day as if it is my last” have been really difficult for me. I don’t like the thoughts this is forcing me to face. I must make a choice to live in joy each day. That is part of my DMP. I thought I was doing that, but the last few weeks have shown me I have not entered into it completely. I’m better for sure, so there is progress.
I am God’s greatest miracle and I choose to live this day as if it is my last!
I have delayed writing my blog. I have had a really rough time this week with my old blueprint rearing its ugly head. I have been very discouraged this week even though there have been miracles around me. One exercise for this week was to continue reading obituaries asking the question what would that person give to change places with me and have 1 more day? I have to admit on some of them I had the thought that that person is probably glad their struggle is over. On some of them I am sure they would give everything they could to have one more day.
Psalm 118:24 This is the day the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. This has been coming to my mind many times this last week. Og Mandino’s scroll marked V starts…. I will live this day as if it is my last. One blog post I read this past week made the point that we are responsible for our own happiness. It made me realize how much time I have wasted saying to myself if only this or that would happen. Then I would be happy. If only my husband would be this way of that way. Then I would be happy. If only, if only, if only. What a waste. I am responsible for my own happiness. This the day the Lord hath made; I will rejoice and be glad in it. That leads me to believe that I am to have joy and happiness. And I am responsible for it in my own life.
So why am I so discouraged? I don’t know. I do know that I have to keep faithful to the new habits I am acquiring though the weekly exercises and I will get through this. Die old blueprint, die.
In the webinar for week 18 Mark told us the secret to each being the greatest salesman is that we have to sell our self to ourselves. That was not the answer I thought we were going to get. I was discouraged by it because I never thought it was me that was important. Now I can see how wrong I was. Oh my goodness! I can now see why I have failed to be successful. I am not sold on my self. I am thankful that I can say my eyes have been opened to the necessity of selling my self to me. This makes sense now why we have the exercise of the gal/guy in the glass. And it is still hard to say I love you to the gal in the glass. I’m not sold yet….but I’m getting there. I love the tools that we are gaining through this course.
Give yourself permission to be happy! What a shame it is that we have been conditioned to be unhappy. Maybe not all of us, but I have. It seems if I’m happy, then I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. This week, several times, I have had a feeling of excitement in the pit of my stomach. Excitement like something great is just waiting to happen. The first few times I automatically tamped it down. Because after all if I get too excited then something is bound to go wrong. When I realized what I was doing, I stopped and allowed the feeling to grow and bloom. I still don’t know what good thing is coming. But I believe it’s just a matter of time and letting it happen. I believe at a young age, before life’s hard knocks, this feeling is that of what a child would feel. Is it excitement? Is it joy? Is it happiness? I don’t know. I’m just glad to be feeling all three of those things now. I want to remember to continually give myself permission to feel happy, excited, joyful!
“What am I pretending not to know?”
Part of our assignment this week is to write this question on an index card, read it, set it aside, reflect, etc. Wow did this ever hit me right in the stomach. I found I am pretending not to know a lot of things, and yet I consider myself an honest person. Pretending isn’t honest. I am wondering why? One thought is that I have always been taught to be humble. To have humility. So that means to me that I can’t be proud of what I accomplish because then I wouldn’t be humble. So then I can’t be powerful beyond measure. I can’t have a life of abundance. Webster’s definition of humble: lowly; unpretentious, modest, to bring down in condition or rank. So that doesn’t really help me figure out the answer to my question. I don’t know that I will be able to answer my own question just yet. One thing this course has taught me with the index cards, is that I do do things right. It is nice to not focus on what I’ve done wrong. I am pretending not to know that I am smart, because then more will be expected of me. I am pretending not to know that I am powerful, because then I might be powerless. I am pretending not to know that I am worthy, because then I might be found unworthy. I am pretending. In writing these statements I am finding that I am giving the outside power over me. I am beginning to love the gal in the glass exercise. I am the only one that matters at the end of the day. I am powerful. I am smart. I am worthy. This isn’t prideful or braggy. It just is. I love what this course has taught me.
The Franklin Makeover works….if you put the effort into it.
Last week our word as a group was kindness. Lots of us experienced the same thing. We realized that the world is a kinder place when we practice kindness and when we look for kindness. It was a great learning experience for me to realize I just need to take the time to look for it and it will be there! I also need to not be so rushed that I can’t show kindness.
This week my word is grace. I have always admired people that I felt were full of grace. Once I choose this word, I wondered what did it really mean. I looked it up in the dictionary. I found it had many meanings. One was favor or goodwill, to show kindness, kindliness, love, mercy shown, a grace period after a bill is due. We are learning about lots of qualities that make up grace.
Last week I had to take my Dad in to have his right hand and wrist checked out. He has complained about it since he awoke from his coma. We found out he has a ligament tear, most likely an old injury, that requires an intense surgery to fix. It won’t be fixed in his current condition. The PA put a cast on it to hopefully give it rest and help with the pain. It worked for almost a week. Tuesday he started complaining of pain; by Wednesday it was so painful I took him in and the cast was removed. It was a painful process for him. When the cast came off, his arm had red splotches on it. I asked to speak to the PA and he came in the cast room. I mentioned it to him and he just kind of blew me off and said, “well you know he has a very arthritic joint. Just alternate with ice and heat and in two weeks I’ll inject it if it isn’t better.” So for the remainder of Wednesday the ice and heat treatment was used. By Wednesday night his wrist and hand were so swollen I asked my mom to take him to the emergency room. He was admitted to the hospital for cellulitis. Thursday morning I was pretty upset with the PA. We have a system called myChart where we can message the dr. I sent a message to the PA letting him know what happened and that my Dad’s pain was a little bit more than just an arthritic joint. The difference now is that I tried to word my message with grace instead of just blasting him for not being more careful with my Dad’s care. With utter amazement I found out that the PA came to my Dad’s hospital room today to check on him. I’m not so sure that would have happened had I not tried so hard to use my words with grace. These days the dr’s do not visit hospitals. They have dr’s that are hospitalist and they provide the care in the hospital. I’m so excited to be aware of the changes within and to see the positive affects without.
My oh my what a beautiful world when it is filled with kindness. We were given the assignment this week to show kindness and to receive kindness. It has been very eye opening to observe kindness in others. I’m sorry to admit that I have never really thought about the kindness others show to me. I appreciate kind people and am grateful for kindness shown. I just accept it for what it is. But to purposely look for kindness from others to me is amazing. It makes my realize there is a lot of nice people in this world.
Deliberately looking for kindness from myself to others showed me where I could stand to be kinder. In my rush to accomplish all I need to do in a day, I sometimes am more brusque than I need to be. This exercise also showed me that I am kind to others in the course of a day without really thinking about the act of kindness. I’m glad for this kindness lesson.